It is all about confidence.

Big Girl Pants are a metaphor for being confident and doing some things that need to be done even if you don’t feel like it.  At MindMeld we actually have some Big Girl Pants – yes really.  Here’s a picture of me with them out in public.  These Big Girl Pants were made for me by a fellow coach and they make an excellent prop for conferences and workshops on confidence and resilience. [If you think that is weird, you should see what else is in our workshop tool kit.]  I was asked after this particular conference “Are these your actual pants and do you wear them?”  I said, “No, the sequins would be too scratchy” but that didn’t seem a satisfactory response as the questioner still looked doubtful. 

There is a lot to do right now even though we don’t feel like it, and a lot to cope with. 

This list is literally not exhaustive (is anyone else out there feeling exhausted?):

1. How to cope with weekends that aren’t different from weekdays anymore
2. Staying inside when we don’t feel like it
3. Helping our kids with homework and doing housework and actual work all at the same time
4. Eating the same food over and over
5. Wearing active wear all the time — though that could be a good thing
6. Watching my regrowth actually grow in front of my eyes
7. Trying to prepare healthy food so that I actually fit my work clothes when we come out of this thing
8. Facing something new and uncertain that we have never faced before.

Work your Cognitive Triangle of Thoughts, Behaviours and Feelings to Take Action and Feel Better.

When I imagine putting my Big Girl Pants on, I can do what needs to be done, regardless of how I actually feel inside. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy talks about ‘working your Cognitive Triangle, of Thoughts, Behaviours and Feelings’.  This means that when you positively influence one, you positively influence the other two. The thought of putting on my imaginary Big Girl Pants then influences me to perform the behaviour I choose to do , and I feel better.  Try it, it works.

A mini-coaching session right now! 

At MindMeld, we have several card decks that we use with clients.  The front of each card has a picture and a title, and the back has a coaching question.  These coaching questions can go quite deep. The cards allow gorgeous coaching clients to consider a deep question even when Kristan and I are not in front of them to ask it.  We are now going to use our  Charisma Coaching Cards with you so you can have your own little coaching session to help you put on your Big Girl Pants. Here we go.  Are you ready?

Your two cards are, of course: ‘My Big Girl Pants’.  Kristan is holding them so you can see the front and back of each card, to show you these pants are for everyone.

1. Here’s your first question: ‘Have I forgotten to put them on?’ Have a think now about where in your life you might need to put them on, and have the confidence to state your needs in order to get them met.
2. Here’s the second one: ‘Have I given myself a wedgie from over use?’ Where have you been a little too assertive, and that perhaps has not served you or the people you care about? 

If I ask myself if I might have forgotten to put my Big Girl Pants on in the last few days, then yes, I  can see where I have said my needs only in my head instead of in the real world.

When I consider if I have given myself a wedgie from overuse, well actually that is true too. I might have been a bit overly assertive with my need to control what I can control in terms of my home environment.  Do I need to rant at family members to unpack dishwasher before it even finishes beeping? No, I do not.

Here are your two coaching questions to carry you through the next little bit.  Remember they are coaching questions to help you take action and feel better, not a way to judge yourself or others. You are enough just as you are.

My  Big Girl Pants:

1. Have I forgotten to put them on?
2. Have I given myself a wedgie from overuse?

It’s all about finding a comfortable balance.

• Brenda Ratcliff and Kristan Johnston March 2020.